For the past years, I "was" inlove. I do know that I have loved that certain someone so much (I used to know what love is for me)... but I'm not sure anymore what love really is... how it makes you feel... how things would be...Often times I think it's because of the loss of romance, the loss of excitement, the loss of "kilig moments", when I come to be with this certain person.
I just feel blank when I'm with him. I wonder why I don't feel anything special.
Is it because I am no longer committed that's why I feel "out of love"? Is it because I'm tired of waiting for him to be a little more aggressive? to be more romantic? to be more expressive? Is it because I don't know what this gap I feel from him, and I couldn't seem to reach him?
I've kissed him yet I don't know how I felt about it...
Though the feeling of touch seems to be more powerful. I like the feeling of his warm hand against my skin... It makes me want to not let go of that moment.
Is it love? or is it just because I like to be touched?
I've told Auda that I'm confused at the moment... That I don't know if I still love him. In fact I don't know what love really is.
Love is the willingness of helping himself and the other person to grow.
Love is not a feeling.
Love is not easy and effortless.
Commitment is not an assurance that love will last.
- (The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck, MD )
Maybe I'm one of the many people who has a distorted view of love, that love always makes you feel good... makes you complete... that is should be romantic... that it should be intimate... that it's happily ever after...
Maybe I see Dr. Scott's view of love as too boring and serious.
Most of the time, I am looking for a sense of romance... To feel good again and to feel important again. To feel like love is orgasmic (reach the peak of happiness, bliss). It's been a long time since I last felt like that.
To everyone who has read this entry (even to those who are single or NBSB),
What do you think about Love?
To those who are taken,
How do you view Love?
How does Love feel?
Do you feel like you love your partner everyday of your life? How can you tell?
Does Love change through the years? Is the change good or bad?
"I Wanna Know What Love Is" Sung by Foreigner
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Author- Farid Iqbal
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Author- Farid Iqbal
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5 gave me a comment:
Difficult questions to answer. I kind of agree with the quote you included. I find that in my current relationship we help eachother to grow as people, something that I never really thought about in my last serious relationship. And that is very important to me now. But at the same time, I don't feel excited all the time - in fact things get boring but then they will suddenly get better again. My feelings are especially messed up by being in a long distance relationship, since I have to get used to not being with him.
But I don't really know anything, I'm still learning. I guess part of it is to do with excitement, but real love has to last past the excitement and continue even in those hard times. If it isn't real love then I guess it won't last. But it is fine if you don't want to make that committment yet, you're still young and you have plenty of time to figure it out :)
ahh... M. Scott Peck's definition of love.. i've read that in our Philosophy class... XD
ako NBSB hahahaha...
anyway here's what i think about love...
well, love is a complex feeling... but it's not just the feeling... it's also a choice... we easily don't fall for someone[well for me]... i have standards[and i tell you isa pa lng ang nakatungtung sa akong standards].. we choose who we fall for because we set standards [well yeah for me]... in my case i made that choice... of course dili mawala ang feeling na 'love' kuno... i just feel comfortable w/ the person... kasi nga we're both "wierdos" who love anime.. hehehehe
but really, i still don't fully understand the concept of love... since i'm nbsb ... haaaay... tsk tsk tsk XD
Hmmm... I do actually agree with Peck's idea of LERVVV. Hehehe =) Maybe because I'm the type of person who doesn't want everything to be "too easy"??? Haha.
Seriously, yep. As boring and demanding and too effort-exerting as it may sound, I believe that's what you could rightly call TRUE LOVE. I have love-that-lasts-til-you're-old-and-gray in mind, that's why. ;) As much as love is a feeling (although Peck says it's not); it's still much of a choice. There will really be times when you won't feel like loving the person - his quirks can get annoying, and you might come to the point of outgrowing his previously endearing childish habits - BUT, if it's really love, you CHOOSE to love that person, you'd choose to go beyond that. Despite his imperfections (which have become too apparent), you decide that this person is who you really want to be with. That you want to grow with this person, and that you want that person to grow with you. It's not easy, but it's definitely possible, I believe. In the end, it's all about choice, choice, choice. ;)
- Audie =P
There are a lot of definitions for the word love, it's probably the most complex of all feelings... I do agree with Peck's view of love, but then again, love can be a lot of things...
For me, the best definition of what love really is can be found in the bible, specifically, 1 Corinthians 13:4... Who better to tell us what Love is but the very one who created it, right?
Love is truly very complex, in my case, being married and all, love does take a lot of work and in my opinion, love is like a dance, it's just a matter of knowing how to move and compliment each other on the dance floor... :) I knew what I was in love when I was willing to put his needs before mine... :) It's going to sound a bit cliche, but love is something that you'll know when you feel it... :)
mspennylane : I feel that too... I think everyone does in some times. ...that you don't feel romantically inlove or excited. I tell myself that for so many times, I even said that to my friend. But I don't know why I seem to look for that kind of feeling when I know that our relationship is very different when we were just starting. Is it because I miss that kind of feeling? Despite that I'm looking for that, I can say that I have never cheated just to "quench" my longing when we were still together. So we can simply put it as, I respect and love him sooo much, that despite my need, I'm willing to be faithful to him, and continue to love him.
I'm sure when you two will be able to move in together, you'll have all the time to express yourself to him... and I'm sure that will test your relationship too since, like they say, it's quite different when couples get to move in in the same house.
I am enjoying myself when I am out... specially at school, but there are things that have been bothering me lately... I guess I'll get used to things again, and I'll figure out what's the best thing to do, when I find that :D
Thanks so much penny for sharing :) You just don't know how you guys have made me happy with your comments :)
Kate : Thanks for reminding me! Now I know why Dr. Peck is sooo familiar kay sa Philo pud d i nako na klase. :D
I get your point about the choice of loving someone. Somehow the standards that we make for our "dream guy" has an effect... but sometimes Kate, those standards will be tested in time. We get to fall for men who doesn't seem to meet those standards... hmmm... Mawerla dyud ka Kate. It'll be a confusing experience pag muabot na. But yeah it's all in the choices still, whether to continue on living with those standards OR iechapwera nimo toh cla. :D
Thanks for sharing your POV and beliefs. I usually don't get to talk about this with you in person. :)
Auda : Your points really speak for what I have experienced before with "you-know-who". :D It's like a flashback of the things that happened... Maingon dyud na friends dyud ta :D
I guess it was really more on the willingness to give everything for that person,forget those attitudes that you couldn't stand,love him despite of those imperfections/the so-called-turn-offs...
Thinking about these things, kinikilabutan ako. haha... In a good way ;P
Thanks for leaving a comment Audz. Really appreciate it... Kay duha lang mo na real-time-friends nako na nagabasa ug comment sa akong blog. Wala nagaparamdam ang uban. Hehe. Thanks so much. :-*
Ane Fallarme : Complex indeed! :)
Well, it's been a while since I opened the Bible. I'll try to check those definitions. This one is something that has been lacking for the past months(?), understanding the words of the Bible. 'Coz like most people believe the Bible holds a lot of teachings about life.
Since you've talked about marriage, I've read in some articles and blogs that some couples, even when they are already in their 60's-80's, they are still "romantically" in love. Like saying I love you, holding hands while walking, giving pecks... I just wonder, how did they ever reached that age with romance still burning? Like fairy tales are true... How come there are couples who are cold? Just makes me think...
I also agree that love needs effort, and I think every relationship does... Even with parents, your children, or with friends. It takes effort to reach out, make them feel important, have constant communication, understanding... Coz I can say that if you don't love someone, you wouldn't care to give those things.
Thank you for sharing your experience and thoughts Ane. I really appreciate it that you took the time to read and comment on my posts. :)
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