Being Alone

* Just finished making this entry today because I ran out of time yesterday ^__^' (Nov. 1) *

Yesterday, I treated myself for a movie since I've been planning to go out weeks ago but just felt all drained up because of my driving practice. I was able to make time yesterday, since I have nothing to do and I've been waiting for the movie Eagle Eye on theaters... but when I checked NCCC Mall's Now Showing, Eagle Eye is no longer available. So I decided to watch The House Bunny instead.

Somehow I can say that going out alone is one of my strengths, and I do enjoy the time by myself... Mostly, when I go out, I either watch a movie, buy stuffs, go karaoke-ing on an aracade or eat out... Though nothing still beats a good company, it's different when you get to talk to somebody.

My transfer and enrollment to another school was also one of the things that I have accomplished alone... but I was able to chat and meet new people, even just for that time only. I guess I don't have any difficulty in adjusting to the new environment that I'll be spending a lot of time to.

I guess it's advantageous that I'm used to this stuff... I don't get to worry about the people around me, the feeling of being uncomfortable, or being labeled as a loner... Though I'm hopeful that I'll be able to meet some new good friends in my new school, and I guess I'll be meeting a lot of people since I don't shy away when there is an opportunity for talk...

I'm crossing my fingers that these strengths will lead me to something much better. ^__^

Are You An Easy Girl?

Guys Think You're Easy to Be With... But Not Easy

You're definitely a flirt - and a good one. But you also know that you shouldn't make a move on any cute guy who passes by. You save your seductive moves for someone who already knows the real you. That way, your sex appeal is just part of the whole package.

Are You An Easy Girl?

Break-Up Blues

It's almost a month since we've decided to break-up... I'm still fine, though I can't deny that I still am thinking of him every day.

Maybe it's because we've been together for so long and every day (before) we get to communicate despite the big difference we have in terms of time. There's no hour in a day that I don't get to think of him, and every thing that I do, I always consider him.

Times have changed, and it can't be denied that he is still a part of my day... Even we don't get to text for a week or more, my memories with him are pretty much alive... but whenever I think of the times we had before, I always divert myself to something else, or I just block those past memories and think about the person alone.

I'm emotional and I easily get teary, but this time, I can say that I can't seem to cry for him. No matter how I look inside me and ask why, still no tears. That's a good thing though... I don't want to be that crybaby like who I was before.

I never thought of love anymore... because I don't want to think nor feel it and I don't want to give any of it yet... not this time, when I am unsure of where we will be going and if I'm ready enough to love again.

I don't think about the thoughts of being together again. If he wants to come back, then good... if he can't, it'll be fine... I'm more self-centered now I guess, and whatever will be the outcome, we'll still find happiness even if we don't end up together.

I am happy... as happy as when I was still with him, though I am more at ease now.

Sometimes, I miss having someone to be with... to hold hands while walking, to hug when watching a movie, or even just a simple touch... Maybe because I'm a touchy person. I like to touch and be touched by someone I love... *day dreaming*

Anyway, just pouring out some thoughts... I do hope that every thing will be fine with our separate lives...

I <3 Ur Blog

OMG! I have received my very first award for my Daily Whispers blog. weee...!

Thanks so much to Marmalade Skies aka mspennylane for sharing this award. I really appreciate it. ^___^ I don't know what else to say... Thank you. :)

I guess it's my turn now to share this award to other blogs that I love.

I would like to share this award to :

Ocean Of Perspectives (Lea) - This blog has some great articles about life, mostly on self-improvement. I admire the way she writes her articles, and the contents are really inspiring. This blog was one of the reasons why I chose to improve myself... Her articles moved me, and that's why I've decided to have my personal blog to keep track on my journey.
I do hope she'll write more inspiring articles and continue to move more readers.

Marmalade Skies (mspennylane) - I really enjoy reading her entries which are simple and true. Most of the time, I find a lot of personal blogs that are interesting but are flooded by ads and reviews (which I am guilty for my previous blog)... I want to read about other people's lives and their experiences, and I found it in Marmalade Skies. Mostly also, I am able to relate to Penny's entries, that's why I find it fun to read. It's good to know that you're not alone in terms of experiences and feelings.

To readers who are interested in sharing this award, feel free to grab the banner and share it to your favorite blogs... Make them feel appreciated and loved... I bet this will paint a smile on their faces... Like I do... ^__________________^

When Dad Gets Mad

All week long I have been waiting for Sunday to come and it's because it's the only time for me to practice my driving... but every day, I got less and less excited about my Sunday plan.

I've mentioned from my previous post that my instructor will be assisting me still on my driving, but not under the school's premises anymore. Well that was my ultimate plan, but sadly it's not going to happen.

Mom had already agreed to the said plan, but when I told my Dad, he said that I need not to hire my instructor since he himself will be assisting me.

I totally disagree with Dad's kind initiation... It's not because I don't want him to teach me, it's because of his attitude. Dad easily gets mad, thinks negatively, insensitive, a perfectionist, and he always thinks that he's right. You might say that I'm being to harsh about my Dad, but that's the truth.

Okay... I love my Dad very much, but there are just some things about him that he can't seem to realize and change. I guess this happens when a person resists to see and accept his own mistakes.

Sometimes I realize that I am like my Dad... but the least thing I can do every time I act like him is control myself and think what I have done wrong... or, just leave me alone when I'm being a deaf-mute until I cool down. I accept my mistakes and I try to make up to things... That's our big difference... and I don't want to be like my Dad.

Anyway, back to driving...

We were able to practice but it only lasted for an hour since he lost his temper too soon.
So I still make mistakes, still slow on picking up some of the instructions, and forgot some steps that my instructor taught me... Dad is indeed low in patience... these things pissed him off even when we were just starting...

So I made a few mistakes and this shortened his temper. I asked him worrying, "why do you have to get mad?", then he started shouting and firing very negative comments about me. He was actually putting me down, telling me that I'm hard headed and that I should obey and respect him. Strongly I know that I didn't disrespected nor disobeyed him. I asked him while I was now sobbing "what did I ever do wrong?" then he still kept yelling negative things... He even mentioned that I should change my attitude if I don't want to be left by my boyfriend (future). I wasn't able to keep myself together and it left me crying for hours.

...But it's okay, I won't get these things affect or stop me from what I want to do. I still want to drive. It's okay if he hit me with his negative comments about my previous relationship, since I know for that last month, I tried my best and did what I have to do. What I couldn't take is his attitude of being short tempered because when he gets mad, everything just follows.

It's hard having a Dad who can't understand yet needs to be understood. Parents do commit mistakes, and what's worst is no one can tell him corrections since that'll just make him angry... It's hard growing up with fears and negativity coming from a parent. You can't explore some things because he thinks you can't do it or it's not safe... He always have the reasons not to...

Most of my life, I didn't believe on my capabilities... and this attitude at home is the reason why I felt distrust towards myself... But like I said before, I have a choice... Choice of keeping the fear and all those negativity or give myself a chance and see what happens next.

I wont let this experience bring me back to where I was before and I will still continue on my driving even without my father's help... Besides, I can find another way to continue what I really want.

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How Happy Are You, Really?

You Are Pretty Happy

You generally have a happy, fulfilling life. But things could be a little better, and deep down, you know it. Maybe you need more supportive friends or a more challenging career. Something is preventing you from being totally happy. You just need to figure out what it is!

How Happy Are You, Really?

Days Of Nothing To Do

*sigh* I feel so bored and useless for the past few days. I guess doing new stuffs has been keeping me moving a lot, and those things brighten my day... Now that driving school is over and I'm left with nothing to do, I feel like my energy has been drained. I need to find something that'll keep me active.

I'm considering an extension at the driving school. They (the staff at the school that I've been enrolled to), has been encouraging me to apply for an extension. Before, I was all excited that I'm near to the end of my driving classes, but now, I would like to go back. My reason would be, I can't use our car since I'm still on my student permit, and my Dad wouldn't allow me to drive alone either.

No one from the people I know is available... My Dad is always busy. Even though he had promised that he'll make time every Sundays, I still can't wait for that. Only once a week? *sigh* That's... not enough. Also, my instructor, Sir Jong is always busy... especially now that it's the Sem Break. He told me that his first class starts at 6am and the last class would end at 7pm, including his day off every Sundays. Poor Jong.

If I'll enroll to driving school again, I can drive most of my time in a week. :D I'm just having so much fun with driving and I still want to catch up for the improvements that I need to make...

The gym class is still on my list... Actually, I'm going to fetch my school ID today, so when I apply for the membership, I can still fall on the students membership fee (maybe). Also, I'm still thinking whether I should buy a new pair of rubber shoes or just use the very old one I have. ...and I couldn't find the best shirt that I can use at the gym. I don't want my lower buldges to be exposed :D

Still so many things to consider, but I hope I'll make up my mind before next week. I don't want to go back to those days when I was still just wasting all my time infront of the computer and TV. I want to make the most out of my time now... to learn, to feel good, and to have fun.

Not Now...

* I admit that I am a flirt, though I have my limits... and when I fall in love, I am a one-man-woman, and I give my best and my all, just for my man. *

...So I chose to end an almost 5 year relationship, just to have the space and time that my ex and I need to find ourselves and to weigh whether our relationship can still work after this experience.

But what's happening? It has been (just) 2 weeks... and what's this? temptation?

It's a NO. Please not now... I'm still in the verge of enjoying myself. Grrrr...

He's not courting. Okay? Uhm... I don't know... But there are hints and I don't know if it's serious.

He seems nice. Older. Hard working. Married? Hahaha... He looks like married but he said he isn't. Friends says he isn't... He's turning 27...

Uhm... What am I saying?!

I know I easily fall for a man who's nice and close to me, even if he's not good looking etc...
It's been years since I get to be in this kind of situation... I have closed my doors for men who shows interest or just possible men...

Errr...

I don't want to... Tell yourself that Tess...

No and not now...

Getting Serious? or Just Flirting?

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When a guy kisses you on your lips, holds your hand and kisses it, does it mean he likes you? What if he never asks about how you've been, does it mean that he doesn't have any interest for you? and it was just flirting?

Hmmm...

What do you think?

Expectations

I hate it when I start to expect... When the mind starts to linger on daydreams/fantasies then just get frustrated and disappointed at the end. *I guess I just love fantasizing great things*

Yesterday, I was so excited for today's lunch time. Lunch time was uhmmm... good... though I didn't get what I want. I don't want to get into details there much, but I was still left confused. I don't know what to believe from all the thoughts running on my head. I don't want to think all negative so maybe I should just drop the issue and go on with my "transitional" life. I only had so little time yet so many things that I want to know, to ask... So the experience was like a wonderful feeling (like your back in high school with all those butterflies-on-your-stomach kinda thing)... But yeah, I should drop the case... Maybe I'll just get disappointed even more if I will dwell on my expectations.

So... With so many things running on my head, I slept through half of my afternoon, and still when I woke-up thoughts are popping again. Errr... I should really think about what Mom said about something, about this day.

...and maybe if I'll make more effort on leaving those "thoughts" behind I'll be able to sleep better at night.

New Things...

I feel wonderful for the past four days... I just feel fulfilled and happy about the things going on in my life right now.

Yesterday at the enrollment, despite the hot weather and the sweat, I didn't lose my temper 'coz I really hate it when it's hot and I tend to get moody. I was also able to accomplish things that I thought would took me long to finish. The enrollment yesterday at school was smooth... despite the longs hours of waiting for the computer to go online, it went pretty well. I was able to talk with some freshmen and some parents on the line. I just love talking to new faces :D I feel good when I am able to make someone smile... or when someone smiles at me :D

Today (just earlier), I finished my last hours at the driving school... I think I have improved well... just a little more practice on the turns and the parking, I'll be better. My instructor suggested that I should take another 5-hour extension or maybe more, but I think it's expensive, plus my parents own a car, I can practice using our own auto. He told me that he's gonna miss me *awww... shucks* :D So I told him that I still want him to supervise me with my driving and it'll be a sideline for him... No enrollment at the driving school anymore... Just me and him this time. Of course there's pay. This is one of my plans even before because I know my dad has a busy schedule and couldn't make time to help me... So, every Sundays (if ever Sir Jong doesn't have any overtime at the school) he'll assist me with my driving...

New school, new skill, new people... I feel nice having to explore every bit of these things... Can't wait for more... hoping I'll be able to drive this Sunday with Sir Jong*crosses fingers*.

The Choice

Life is composed of the choices you make and the experiences you gain and have gained. This is what makes a person, and I guess that's how I view what life is all about right now... The choices we make will bring us to where and who we should be... and this could either make, or break a person.

Change doesn't mean that it is something out of our consciousness... it's a conscious choice. This is something that I strongly believe, but without the experiences that I've been, I wouldn't be able to realize this.

Most of my life I lacked self-esteem... I rarely believe and trust myself in whatever things that I do. I always have viewed myself less talented and less intelligent compared to people around me... I guess this is because I let the negative voice in my head control me and it overpowered the positive voice that's fighting weakly.

Often it speaks of not making things right, and to give up or escape when things are getting difficult. I always feel down, immature, weak... and despite the experience of being happy, it was always not enough and it doesn't last.

Negativity controlled me for years and it hindered me to do the best that I can... I was looking for appreciation and love but I couldn't seem to get it from the people I expect that it should be coming from. It was painful...

But because of the past mistakes that I've made, and the challenges and pains that I've been, I was able to see that I am the one who's making the problems bigger than what I could take... I was so hard on myself... it was all in the head... This made me realize that it's time to move on and be happy... that's why I choose to be a better person.

I was able to read this article (Love and Relationships *hover mouse on the name and click to view*) one day as I was just killing time through dropping ECs on other blogs. It's a simple article but I was able to read between its lines, it was able to made me realize and evaluate myself even more. I printed the article... and kept it on my bag for days. Whenever I feel bad, I read it all over so it would uplift me again.

Day by day, I was/am able to convince myself that I shouldn't let doubts, fears... all the negativity grow or dwell in my head for a long time. I don't want to feel bad about myself anymore specially that I know, I control my life and I have a choice...

So, here I am now, picking up the broken pieces of me slowly, and grabbing every opportunity to make myself better. It is a conscious act of self-love and appreciation... I agree with Lea's article... "Others can love you and fill you with a wonderful sense of warmth and appreciation, but only you can give yourself the support that you require to keep yourself balanced and whole within yourself."

**I would like to thank Lea from the Ocean of Perspectives for making such great articles.**

* To my long time friend, sometimes it takes a lot of time before you realize that you are killing yourself slowly by feeling miserable all the time. I may not have experienced what you have experienced but if I can do it, you can too... You do have the choice... And I hope you'll be able to appreciate what your friends have been telling you, and who have been supporting you... You are lucky they were there when you were down. You just have to listen... and of course appreciate yourself more. *

Moments? Past?

I got this from my former English teacher's blog, Ma'am Chiongson... I don't know why she stressed her experience through her love of pilipit when she was still a kid then realized or remembered one of life's lessons... Here are just some of the lines that made me think (and of course, there's truth to her words):

truth no.1

moments in life are just that...moments. that if you dont grab hold of them or do something about them, you'll lose them. and no matter how you try to get back that moment, it's gone forever. no matter how you try to make up for it, it will never, ever be the same again.

truth no. 2

forgiving the people the people you love should come easy. that's the nature of loving.

truth no.3

express what you want. you might not get it now. you might not get it ever. but the fact that you were able to express yourself means you know who you are and you know what you want out of life.

truth no.4

...look at your past with fondness but let it remain as that. the past. so if you have issues from the past, recognize them, confront them, accept them and then let go. easier said than done i suppose but hey, it's worth a try.

A Whole Day Of Shopping and Roaming Around With My Cousin

So I wasn't able to drop ECs, blog hop, and write an entry yesterday. My bad, I was just really busy going out with my cousin, Angelie ans spending time with my other relatives.

It is such a rare occasion that I get to spend time with my relatives, considering the distance and our busyness with our own lives, we really don't have all the time to catch up with each other. Mostly, it takes us years before we get together again. ...and mostly, there's this hesitance at first between me and Angelie since it just feels like we are a different person from the last time we met... so we start over again on getting to know each other.

Anyway, yesterday, we (Angelie and I) spent our whole day together at SM, shopping and talking... I even canceled my driving lesson ahead of time just to have all the time with her.

Since it's her birthday this coming October 21, I bought her two pairs of flat havaianas of her choice and I bought two pairs of my own too. I just spent my money on flip flops since I don't want to buy clothes at the moment 'coz I'm going to be hitting the gym soon. Oh, I also bought a bag that I can use for school... 2nd sem is nearly here.

I think I ruined my diet for one whole day... I have this habit of ordering a lot of food when I'm treating someone out...

Just to wrap it up, I'm glad I got to spend my time with Angelie... They went home to Butuan City just this early morning. I didn't get to spend a lot of time with her, but I'm glad we did. I just hope she'll be back here soon.

WhatADay...

Whew! I just finished my job here in our barbershop, and this is the only time left for me to grab this opportunity to blog. I was kinda busy today, that's why I didn't have the time to do my daily hops... Plus, we are about to go home now, and my computer at home isn't functioning well... *really typing fast*

Last night, I went to my Aunt's house since it's her "despidida" (did I got the spelling right?) party and also my cousin's birthday... There were so many guests... which left me and my other relatives staying at my Aunt's room. Even though we ended up in a small room, I'm glad that I was able to spend time with some of my relatives that I haven't seen for a long time.

I think most of my time this week will be spent with my relatives whom I don't always get to see around here in Davao. This is one of those times that I have to spend time with them to catch up with the things going on with our separate lives.

Anyway, I gotta run... Ohhh... Tomorrow... I'll be going out tomorrow with my cousin. Weee!

Gotta scoot now... Mom's getting mad :D

Setting Up Your GoDaddy Custom Domain With Blogger

Applying for a custom domain is easy... Just make sure that you have already picked a domain name and checked if it is still available... and setting up is also easy if you know where to find the right source of information ;)

Though for my case, it took me hours just to apply for my domain. The domain names that I've picked are already taken, and some are already in a higher price... so I thought a lot and it took a lot of my time just for a name.

... And when I already purchased my domain, I didn't have any idea how to link it here on blogger. Good thing blogger has a tutorial for this... Though other blog owners (bloggers themselves) have a more detailed and well explained step on how to link your domain with blogger. Here are some of the blogs that I used as my reference:

How to set up your Blogger custom domain with GoDaddy

Blogger: Custom Domains Using 301 Redirect (How to redirect http://urdomain.com to www.urdomain.com)

Inside The Room Of Your Soul

What Your Soul Really Looks Like

You are a warm hearted and open minded person. It's easy for you to forgive and forget. You are a very grounded, responsible, and realistic person. People may not want to hear the truth from you, but they're going to get it. You see yourself with pretty objective eyes. How you view yourself is almost exactly how other people view you. Your near future is still unknown, and a little scary. You'll get through wild times - and you'll textually enjoy it. For you, love is all about caring and comfort. You couldn't fall in love with someone you didn't trust.

Inside the Room of Your Soul

Excited?

For the past month, I had made three plans, and I have somewhat accomplished two.

1.) Go back to school. - This November
2.) Attend driving school. - Currently attending

So what's the third plan? Go to the gym! Yep. Finally, I have decided to go to the gym. Well, I've planned this before yet like what happened to my plan on driving, "manyana".

So how come I'm really sure that I will be really hitting the gym this time? Well, I have already bought 3 jogging pants. Hehe. I'm excited! When I bought the jogging pants, I was also able to talk with a nice lady who is already going to the gym regularly... and she's from the same gym that I've been planning to apply. I do hope that I'll meet her there again ^__^

The reason why I want to go to the gym is because I want to shed off more weight and also I want to be active... be busy.

After a week or a little more, I'll be able to apply for my membership. ^__^

How's My Driving?

Driving has been my long time plan, and for some reason, I always have this "manyana" attitude about the things that I want to do... Well, I think I planned this about a year ago or two and I just got enrolled last week. hehe. Well at least now, it has come true.

It's my fifth day yesterday... and I'm glad I have somehow improved on estimating the road (like how centered I should be on my lane), I think I'm good with the things on the straight lane... though for some times, my instructor still guides me whether I should move the car a little bit to the left or right.

What I really find difficult is the turns... Like the intersection. It's either I step on the gas too hard when I make the turn and I don't get to turn the wheel perfectly (sometimes I forget to turn. shtupid me! hehe)... but I'll be able to do this well with a little more practice.

Also, I tend to forget some steps on how to use the reverse, how to park the car on a "hilly" (uhm... I forgot the term. It's still understandable right? :D) place, the two-point or three-point backing, and how to estimate the turns when parking... I still need to work harder with those things.

Oh Yesterday, at Tigatto (on one of the small very curvy lanes to be exact), we had an accident. It's nothing serious nor bloody... We hit the tires of a very big truck. Hehe. There was a little damage on the car... but at least we are alright. My instructor said it was the truck driver's fault, but I think we shouldn't have entered our lane when there were still trucks running. Good thing the truck was running really slow 'coz if it hadn't maybe my legs are now crushed.

...and the very bad thing that happened was, the truck driver escaped, he said that he'll park just ahead of us so other vehicles can pass... but when we were able to move out from our place, we didn't get to see the truck again. "Na! Na-hit and run ta...", my instructor said. He then explained that if we have filed for a police report, the other vehicles couldn't pass because we need not to move our car, and we also have to wait for a while since the place is far from downtown.

Anyway, he said that he'll just make an excuse that we hit the garbage bin at Redemptorist Church. Good thinking Sir! hahaha... He also reminded me that I need not to be discouraged since it was just a minor mistake and a minor bruise on the car... (Yah! Sh*t happens :D) I also found out that at the driving school, there were worse scenarios that happened last time compared to mine.

If you have read my One Of The Bad Days entry, the person that p*ssed me off that day was my instructor... hehe. At least, we got along well yesterday and gained back my sane self again...

Despite of the adjustments I still have to make and some difficulties, I didn't feel any discouragement. I can say I think I'm better. Mostly, before, when I find a task difficult, I easily get discouraged... I'm happy I'm handling things well. Ajah!

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The Letter

...Or shall I say the e-mail.
Okay we should have done this in person, but it's the only way I can reach to him without feeling any doubts about this decision... because everytime I look at him, it feels like my heart is going to melt. It makes me feel weak...

Marc,

I know you are very confused, and you might be afraid of making the wrong decision, pero I tell you, as of now, wala ma'y mali na decision... but we have to pick the best one.

I guess this is the best decision, na magbulag usa ta. I'm okay with that man ba... Because I want you to be happy, and to find yourself first. Kabalo sad ko na daghan pa ka ug gusto buhaton... and it's okay for me to give you the time you need for yourself.

If you are afraid na mawala ko, don't be... because I'll always be here for you, pero wala lang ta'y commitment. I tell you Marc, you can always come back to me, anytime... I will be happy to have you back in my life when the time comes na you are ready.

I'm somehow afraid too, because we've been here before even though two weeks lang toh. I'm afraid that kung hatagan taka ug time sa imong sarili, basin maparehas before na makalimtan ko nimo and baliwala-on lang ko nimo pag magtxt ko... I'm afraid of that... Pero, I trust you Marc, and even if it's painful na mawala imong love sa akoa, I won't force you to love me back anymore. I want you to be happy, that's what matters to me most right now.

But like I said before, tell me if you don't love me... or if you already love someone else. Remember that there is no easy way to tell this... But just tell me, and all will be just fine. Be honest with me like you always do, and I promise you, that I will always be honest with you...

Somehow I want to ask you to be my friend. Tell me if there is something wrong, or you have accomplished something or what... I know there'll be little time bago ta makasturya ug tarong... But, I don't want to force you either if you can't do this. It's okay.

As for me, I'm planning to build myself again. I want to be better... and you are right, I should love myself too...like how I love you. I want to do the things that I always want to do, but didn't have the confidence. Maybe, this time, I'll be able to sing and draw again. Thank you for telling me this... it made me see the truth. (Btw, this is my domain : http://dailywhispers.com I made that blog for keeping track on my transition...)

There are a lot of things that you did that I should be thankful for... pero I can't count all the things that you did... but, thank you so much for loving me and letting me love you.

Anyway, maybe sometime, we can hang-out together as friends... Catch up with things while drinking a cup of kopi loak? hehe. Or like we always do, watch and enjoy a movie together.

And... I'll be wearing our ring until you'll come back to me... or when things can't be worked out anymore...

This isn't goodbye... I'll be seeing you soon.

I love you very much Marc.

I hope you'll be happy... I hope you'll find yourself, Baby...

The Break-Up

When you really love someone, you have to set him/her free... and before you can love someone, you have to love yourself first. Isn't that what we always hear from people and from quotes?

Honestly, that line bothers me, when I was still very selfish. I couldn't imagine setting my boyfriend free... I always want him to be with me, and I want all his attention for myself. I easily get jealous too... and our world revolved only for the two of us. This kind of relationship dominated us for years... and now, we are left lost, with a hole we can't seem to patch up.

Yes, our relationship was very immature, things went wrong. I am happy whenever I am with him, yet I can't deny the fact that there is something missing... He changed, and expectations were unmet, somehow he was able to find his way around jealousy, and wanted time for himself with friends. I was then moody and get jealous a lot for some reasons that I can't seem to point out...

When I got fed up, things just got worst, I lost him for 2 weeks and thought that I can't lose him then I kept on convincing him that a cool-off isn't the solution for our problems. I was about to give up, yet he wanted to try again. I gave it a chance, since I still love him very much... and I was willing to adjust.

It has been a month since that happened... and there are more changes. Somehow the relationship is mature, but it seems that there is something lost. I want to tell him everything I've felt and everything that I've observed, I really want to make things right... but I don't want to pressure him also... I know, he is still finding himself, and I admit that I can't fully love him if he is still ever changing. We can't set things right.

Now that we've decided this time off, our separate lives back, I am now ready than I was before to let him go.

The reason why I am setting him free is because I want him to grow... to be who he really should be. I also want him to experience the things that he wants to do without anything holding him back. For some reasons I can't seem to understand his tastes and wants... How can I understand and accept him if he is still in transition (he is not stable with who he really is)? When the time comes that he is ready, I'd be willing to have him back in my life. He is always the one that I dream about.

Am I afraid? Honestly yes, but if he is true to his words and prove that through time, everything will be okay... I couldn't do anything as of now but wait. If I lose him along the way, I couldn't force him to come back if he doesn't want or love me anymore. Maybe it will be more painful than it is right now, but we have to make the best choice for us both.

How about me? I'll be fine. I want to grow too... I want to make the best things out of my life... and if that time comes that we'll get back together, we don't have to fill in for what is lacking because we are already separately complete. We'll be more mature, and maybe we'll be more ready to settle down.


Don't get me wrong, our relationship was not that bumpy... and our lives was not full of misery when we were still together. We were most of the time happy and contented with each other... but since we lost ourselves in this relationship, we have to be away from each other, maybe for a while...

4 years and 7 months 9 months was not put into waste... and it isn't the end. It was one of the best things in my life... and I'm thankful for that.

How Does Your Intrapersonal Intelligence Rate?

Your Intrapersonal Intelligence Score: 78%

Your Intrapersonal Intelligence is High You have a great understanding of who you are, and your place in the world. You know what path you're on. And you are excited about your future. You're always deepening your inner knowledge and introspection. And enjoying it every step of the way.

How Does Your Intrapersonal Intelligence Rate?

Just A Little Quote

The best thing about loving and being hurt is that you get to know what true love really is. For as gold is tested in fire, and so will love be perfected in pain.
-Source Unknown

One Of The Bad Days

The title says it all.

To start, even last night I didn't have a good way of hitting the sack, what more do you expect in waking up in the morning after that? I slept with a problem unsolved, and a humiliation that keeps on holding me back on my everyday lecture.

I am aware that it is indeed up to me on how I make my everyday choices (like staying uplifted and happy), but when something really bothers me, it just ruins me... I do remind myself to calm down, but when something continues to irritate me, that just ticks me off.

Urgh!

I just don't know who or where else I could share my current feelings are. I'm confused, I'm sad, I'm angry... What a day!

*sigh*

Ooops!

... I got deleted from Entrecard.

The reason why I got deleted is because my blog should have five or more posts and that the widget should also appear on my blog. *sigh* I didn't have enough time yesterday to finish my update for Daily Whispers since I was going out for a date *teehee* that's why I wasn't able to display the widget.

Well I guess that's a valid reason for deleting my account as I know they are protecting their rights from dropper's abuse.

I guess I just have to re-apply when I'm able to do more updates.

For Hire: Blogger Template Maker/Seller

As you can see, there has been an improvement (little that is) for my blog. I resided on picking this template as this is my all time crush layout. I like the colors and the design, specially that I love the cute bird... This template makes my blog more personal and not too professional looking. I know that the "pro-er" your layout is, the more appreciated and in it is. Though this is not a money making blog (as of the moment maybe... hehe) and I like it to look like "this is me".

However, I know this is a free layout created by Gis... I still want to have my very own layout. I have nothing against converted templates or the free ones, I just want my blog's layout to standout.

Sadly, I don't know how to make any kind of layout, and I would like to have someone create it for me. Something that isn't too pricey since I don't want to spend a lot for the internet since I'll be on a tight budget this coming months ('coz I'm going back to school and have a lot of budgeting to do).

If you are or if you have someone you know who's good in blogger layouts, do leave me a comment and kindly give me a link or sample of their previous creations.

To give you an idea of what I want for a layout, I want the banner to be something cartoony (like the bird or a human character) and not too wide. It's either Light colors or warm colors (orange, yellow, red) but not too flashy... Columns would be either 2 (preferred on the left side) or 3... With an easy layout customization of the page elements. I just hope that's not too demand-y. Hehe.

I've seen a lot of great designers/makers though most of them are on Wordpress layouts *sigh*. But I'll still be browsing often since I might have missed some of those very talented people.

Daily Whispers Goes Online!

Finally, after days of searching and thinking for a possible domain name, my blog is officially online! Hooray!

It was really such a drag for me to decide what name I should come up since this is my very first independent domain. Well, the name is not that flashy, plus it's just ordinary... I guess keeping it simple and easy to remember will do just fine.

Right now, I'm still drafting stuffs on a paper what my blog should look like and what will be the contents. Somehow I've learned something from my previous blog and I'll be minding what should I do this time.

Anyway, I'm just blabbing a little hello world to the web... to say that I'm here! :D

'Till next posting :)